


Elven Women, Am I Right?

by DefinitelyNotMe



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:37:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4260120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefinitelyNotMe/pseuds/DefinitelyNotMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair catches the Commander and the Inquisitor having a moment. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elven Women, Am I Right?

Cullen sighed when she finally pulled her lips away from his. There were a few silent moments, he was taking in all of the perfect features to her face, when her eyes finally opened and the smile crept back. He couldn’t help it. He kissed her again. Her giggle cut him off as her hands pushed his face away and she took a single step backwards. Again he looked her over. Her lithe frame was already suited up in prowler mail, ready to head back out beyond Skyhold. He knew their mission was important but he wanted to be selfish and keep her for longer.

“I’ll be back before you know it.” The confidence in her voice was just enough to calm him.

His fingers intertwined with hers. “I’ll be here if you need anything.” Another short smile and she began to pull away. A couple of steps backwards and their hand holding came to an end. She gave him a wink before heading down the stairs and towards the main gate. His hands came together and he whispered a quick prayer, ‘maker watch over her, and guide her back to me.’ But with his elven love now leaving the grounds he had to shuffle back into his own quarters to finish up the reports.

Cullen pushed open the door, went to shut it behind him and nearly jumped out of his clothes when a voice mumbled from the other side of the room. “Elven women. Am I right?”

The commander got a good look at him once he knew where he was. The grey warden was leaning against the wall with his arms cross. The mischievous smile on his face only annoyed Cullen. “Makers breath Alistair. Don’t scare me like that.”

Alistair pushed himself from the wall and walked closer to his fellow ex Templar. “I’ve always been one for theatrics. You know me.” Alistair was now next to Cullen’s desk. He pushed a few things out of the way so he could sit down on top of it.

Cullen’s annoyance was growing. “Get down from there. If you’re going to make yourself at home in my office at least sit in a chair.”

The Theirin ignored him completely. “So, you fancy the inquisitor, eh? Do you think all ex Templars fall for elven women or is it just us?”

All Cullen could do was hope that his face didn’t look as red as it felt. His hand instinctively moved up to rub the back of his neck. “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about. The Inquistor is…”

Alistair’s amusement was fueled. His smile was only growing. “No. Don’t try to deny it. I saw you two kissing. I was walking the battlements and there you were. Having a bit of a moment there together although, it didn’t look like it was the first kiss. You both seemed very comfortable.”

The commander could feel the heat rising in his face. On one hand he was angry that Alistair had seen such a private moment. But on the other he had to deny this because it was wildly inappropriate for he and the Inquisitor to be a couple at all. He straightened himself out and cleared his throat. “That could not have been me. I have been in the War Room all afternoon. If the Inquisitor has found someone she is interested in, I know nothing about it.”

Now Alistair was picking things up from Cullen’s desk and examining them. “Ooooh. I see. It must have been your brother then! Because it did look just like you…how long has the other Rutherford been in Skyhold?”

“What? No. My brother is not here. He is…”

Alistair pushed himself off the table and walked closer to Cullen. “Right then. So you admit it was you?”

“No I…I didn’t say it was me. I’m just also confirming that my brother isn’t…” He was rubbing the back of his neck again.

At this point the game was won. Alistair’s smirk said it all. Cullen had to admit defeat and hope the former Templar could just keep his mouth shut. With a defeated sigh he admitted it. “All right fine. It was me, but you have to understand that…”

Alistair interrupted him by clapping him on the shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me. I definitely understand. Those elven women are quite the handful. My wife once convinced me to have a threesome with this duelist named Isabella. Let me tell you how awkward that was when I ran into her in Kirkwall…”

Cullen at first had thought Alistair did actually understand about private relationships. And then as he started describing his first threesome... Cullen covered his face with both of his hands and let out a groan. Unable to continue listening he shouted. “NO! No that is not what I wanted you to understand.

“Oh. Have you and the Inquisitor not…?”

“Stop. Stop it. Stop right there.” Cullen was now walking away from Alistair as fast as he could. He didn’t care if Alistair lived in his quarters now, he would simply never come back.

Naturally, the bastard was running after him. “Wait. Come on! I’m just teasing you. I get it Cullen! I do! You don’t want anyone to know. I got it. People talk and all that.”

Cullen turned around and gave Alistair one last desperate look. “Please. Just…keep it to yourself.”

Alistair then proceeded to pretend to zip his mouth shut, lock it with a key, and throw the key over the battlements. Hardly satisfied with this, Cullen gave him a glare and marched back towards his office, determined to lock all the doors behind him.

He was just about to the door when he could hear Alistair yelling from behind him. “Friendly heads up! If she asks you to perform a demon ritual with Morrigan, just say yes!”

Cullen slammed the door behind him, locked it, and pressed his forehead against the wood frame. “Andrastre preserve me…”


End file.
